Jenny

It’s Monday, so I figured that we’d started off the week with a good laugh.

Here is the new Office Policy, effective immediately:

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

—Management

This joke is courtesy of “A Joke A Day.com.“

Jenny

Well, I can hardly believe that the summer is coming to an end.  It feels like these last few months just flew by.  Wow.  I am sure that the kids heading back out to school this week probably all feel the same way as well.  Yep, this week also begins back to school for many of the kids that were off for the summer.  Ladies, this Monday, take a little extra care during the morning rush hour.  Watch out for the yellow school buses and the kids that will be getting on and off those buses.  Guys, remember when you see the flashing red lights, that means you have to stop, and yes, even if you are on the opposite side of the street, the rule applies to you as well.  No driving by while the school bus loads or unloads the kids.  Give yourselves a little extra travel time to work this week, traffic will probably be a bit heavier with the kids all heading back to school.

Hope you had a “greeat” summer as Tigger the tiger would say, and I hope the kids, had a great summer too.

Jenny

Its Monday again!  And I am dragging myself out the door.  Sometimes, I just wish that I could have one more day added to my weekend.  But, off I go to face whatever this Monday has in store.  By the way, here is a little video I found with an interesting take on Mondays.

Jenny

Hey Ladies, for today’s musical post, I wanted to try something different.  I found this Pussycat Dolls song with a reggaeton mix.  This should help to put you in the party mood and kick off your weekend.

Jenny

We are in the month of August and girl is it hot!  These are truly the dog days of summer.  So, ladies how do you stay cool at work on these hot days? 

Well, there are a couple of fun ways for you to keep your cool while at work.  For example, you could take foods or snacks to work that will help cool you down.  Foods such as salads do not require much preparation and can be eaten cold or at room temperature.  Similarly, fruits such as water melons, cherries, or strawberries are wonderful snacks when chilled.  These can help cool you down a bit when things overheat at the office.

Another way to beat the heat is to dress loosely, light, and in soft colors.  Loose fitting cotton clothing will help to keep you cool and comfortable if you have to step outdoors to run errands or grab a bite to eat at lunch.  Dressing in light colors will also help, since light colors tend to reflect the sunlight, rather than absorbing heat like darker colors.

A healthy way to staying cool, is to drink lots of water.  Not only will you quench your thirst, but you will provide your body with much needed hydration.

Another fun way to beat the heat, is to try a flavored icy dessert.  I just love to pop in a fruit flavored popsicle, as an after lunch treat, on a really hot day.

Try it, you may just like it.